01.28.10
Proper Expectations for Children
1. Immediate (Unquestioning) Obedience (Eph 6:1-3)
All of us have had the painful experience of getting behind a mother in the grocery store telling the toddler (or adolescent!) in the buggy not to touch that twenty times. This is probably the rule rather than the exception. For some reason, we have forgotten that it is not reasonable for an adult to argue with a four-year old over anything. Children should be trained to obey, and to obey immediately. There could come a day when their life depends on immediate, unquestioning obedient, but whether the situation is life or death, this kind of obedience is what the scripture sets forth and a proper expectation. Disobedience is rebellion (1 Sam 15:23) and it should be rooted out at the earliest age possible.
2. Absolute Honesty (Ps 58:3)
We are surrounded by a culture that promotes American legalese above Bible Christianity. In such culture, “minor untruths” and “white lies” are perfectly acceptable as long as you don’t get caught. If you believe the Bible, you know that the Devil is the father of lies (John 8:44). The common adult practice of lying to the Boss, the IRS, the Pastor, the wife, etc. usually begins with lying to the teacher, the coach, or the parent, and sadly enough, a great deal of this goes on with the knowledge (and even endorsement) of one or both parents. Such a practice will breed instability in every relationship that child will ever be a part of. Our children should be taught to “put away lying” (Eph 4:25); and they ought to reminded that God said that “all liars have their part in the lake that burneth with fire and brimstone” (Rev 21:8).
3. Put the Needs of Others First (Phil 2:1-4)
This is the proper measure of maturity in a well-developed society. Fathers put the needs of their families first; mothers meet the needs of their children before their own, etc. Our children ought to be held to a similar standard of maturity. Their lusts should not dictate the needs and overall program of the family. Their selfish desires should not dictate the ministry of a church. They ought to be taught that the needs of the team, the company, or the company are greater than their own.
4. Genuine Appreciation (1 Thess 5:18)
My generation is eaten up with a sense of entitlement and younger generations are growing progressively worse. Your children should be taught that they are not owed anything. Children should be steered away from being so picky. It should be second nature to say “Thank you”, and it should be heart felt at that.
5. Earn their Keep (Gal 4:1)
It is not some form of psychological abuse to expect children to pitch in with the work load in the home. What is abusive is to never expect children to do anything in the home and then thrust them in to the world expecting them to have the capacity to make their own way. The Bible declares that “it is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth” (Lam 3:27). The not so uncommon sight of Mom at the sink, Dad on the lawn mower, and the kids on the couch is a perfect shame to Bible Christianity. Children should reasonably be expected to pull their weight and earn their keep in the home.
6. Do their Best (Col 3:23)
Be it in school, in sports, in relationships, and most certainly in church, children should be expected to their absolute best every time. If a child’s best is a “C” is a challenging subject, he should be congratulated. If a child’s best is an “A+” and he brings home a “B” he should be reproved. Solomon said it best when he said, “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might…” (Eccl 9:10). It is never too much to ask a child to do his best.
7. Espouse Your Religious Convictions (Ps 78:1-8)
If you have arrived at your religious and spiritual convictions intelligently and believe them to be correct you should have every expectation that your children might share those same convictions. No parent that believes in a literal, burning hell would want to raise a child that didn’t. It is our duty to pass along our intelligently held religious beliefs, and it proper to expect our children to espouse those same beliefs. We ought to have a desire to see our children excel us in spiritual matters.
Proper Expectations for Ourselves as Parents: If we’re going to set forth some reasonable expectations for our children, we should certainly have some reasonable expectations for our influence as parents. The truth is that our children will generally mirror our priorities, reproduce our work ethic, and they will likely do in excess the things we do in moderation. Most daunting of all, our children will largely take their conception of God and Christianity from us. God is all-powerful and we should be a consistent source of strength to our children. God is all-knowing and we should be a faithful source of guidance for our children. God is sinless and benevolent, and we should express His goodness in relating to our own children.
The hope of the righteous shall be gladness: but the expectation of the wicked shall perish. (Prov 10:28)
